Weeping For Big Faith

By the rivers of Babylon we sat and wept when we remembered Zion. – How can we sing the songs of the Lord while in a foreign land? Psalm 137:1,4 NIV

It was just like any other afternoon as I laid down with our youngest while she fell asleep for nap. I opened up my Bible app to continue reading through Psalms, listening for her breathing to calm.

A scant moment later; however, silent tears trickled down my cheeks.

Part of me wonders how I’ve ever doubted God and the other part is glad for periods of uncertainty. For without the uncertainty, my faith and trust in Him might not be as strong.

God answered a pretty lofty prayer of mine with these Bible verses. A while back, I basically begged Him, to show me in a tangible way, that He was still listening and attentive to some big things going on in my life. I know I can trust Him, but the connection between head and heart seems a million miles away at times.

Here’s what God reminded me of:

• It’s ok to mourn what never was and never will be.
• It’s ok to press pause and acknowledge hardship.
• It’s ok to weep.
• It’s ok to feel like you don’t belong, like you’ve lost yourself.
• It’s ok to not immediately know the way forward.

God was showing me He sees me and the struggles, the desires, the longing, the fear, the shame. His presence swept around the room and straight through my heart. It’s as if he said, “This is for you Peggy. I’m *still* right here. Don’t forget you are my beloved daughter and what pains you, pains me. I’ve got you and will *continue* to hold you up as you lean into me.”

Shortly after I flipped to Psalm 138. In verse 3, David states, “When I called, you answered me; you greatly emboldened me.”

More tears.

I paused to think about how often phrases like, “Praise the LORD, unfailing love, His love endures forever, Give thanks to the LORD, He will deliver, hear my cry, wait for the LORD, put your hope in the LORD” appear in the book of Psalms.

Really, I shouldn’t be one bit surprised God would place on my heart to read the entire book the last couple months. He knew I would need it! A book I could connect with via lamenting and questioning. A book that would remind me to get through those times with praise, patience, and encouragement.

Dear friend, you’re no stranger to hurt. Your heart might feel bruised and tender this very moment. You may be facing mountains there seems no way to climb. I’m sending you the biggest hug possible and have been praying for you the last three days. I may not know your face, but I know without a shadow of doubt, God knows every freckle, wrinkle, and scar.

Abba Father, Thank you for remaining steadfast when we are not. Thank you for weeping when we weep. We praise you for knowing what we would need and when. May we live “greatly emboldened” through the power of your Holy Spirit, stepping out in big faith. In your name we pray, Amen.