When God Asks You to Stop Praying

I hope the words from the title of this post made you pause and think. They certainly did for me.

But what God was asking me, was unmistakable. After years of praying for something, I finally heard His voice, and His answer left me extremely perplexed.

There’s no gentle way to dive into this part of my faith journey. And it’s honestly something I’ve shied away from sharing for quite some time. 

However, God has asked me to open up, and I’ve learned over the years life becomes harder when I try to do things my way. 

It does involve childhood/sexual trauma, but I won’t be sharing many details because I want to focus on what God taught me during this long season.

So here goes..

*This blog post contains various health information. Nothing is intended to be, nor should it be construed as, medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Any supplement(s) and/or treatment(s) discussed and/or listed should be reviewed by your health professional before using. If you have a medical concern, please consult with an appropriately-licensed physician. If you think you have a medical emergency, contact your doctor immediately. Full medical disclosure here.

A Little Backstory

Everyone remembers 2020 as the year of the Pandemic. I remember it because it’s the year I faced a lot of mental breakdowns due to uncovered trauma, had some severe health issues, and received an unpleasant diagnosis.

One afternoon in late March, I took a nap. Very uncharacteristic of me. But I had been working on a heavy detox/cleanse and also caught a cold, so I was feeling worn down.

I woke up an hour later with some very odd sensations in the pelvic region and upper thighs of my body. There were also faint memories of a dream, which stood out to me because I rarely have them. I didn’t think much of it, assuming the body was just cleansing out whatever it needed to. 

A couple days later I took another nap. Looking back in my journal, I made these notes:

“Felt rested but drained and disconcerted. Woke up to the same physical regions feeling very hot, like I had been sexually violated. I recall feeling the dream was dark/oppressive. That I had been “fighting someone.” I was perturbed and not sure what to think. Then the thought “Call your mom and have her pray over you” kept repeating itself.”

I sat with it for a while, then talked with Jason about it along with some other very out of place dreams I’d had. He encouraged me to follow through. 

So I did and called my mom. After explaining the sequence of events, there was a pause, an audible exhale, followed by something along the line of, “I wondered if this would ever come up.”

Immediate Aftermath

If there was one thing I was not expecting to hear, it was that. She began to explain something that happened with a neighbor girl when I was around 5-6 years old. 

At one point, I came home from playing at their duplex, and at some point afterwards, I drew a picture of myself with blood between my legs and circles around private areas. My mom found it in my closet.

She spoke with the neighbor girl’s mother, who was aware her daughter played with herself sexually, but couldn’t offer any other information or suggestions. I was no longer allowed to play with her inside.

My mom didn’t want to bring it up to me for fear of opening wounds or making something out of nothing. She had also been dealing with a lot of health issues with my dad, so nothing else was done. Shortly after, the neighbors moved out.

I recall sitting on our bedroom floor while she spoke, thinking I must be having another bad dream.

We conversed a little longer. She shared her perspective that what I experienced could very well be trauma deciding to release itself, and/or spiritual warfare since she’d seen my relationship with God growing stronger. She’d had this inkling I would be used for something for a while, and maybe the devil was releasing things now to trip me up.

Either way, we both thought it important to reach out to the counselor I saw when healing from my teenage pregnancy and Z’s subsequent adoption.

The Tidal Wave

As you can imagine, it took me quite some time to work through processing what was uncovered. I did reach out to my counselor and we met via Zoom for a while.

I tried to hold onto faith, but it was very shaky at times.

How could a good God, who supposedly loves His children, allow things like this to happen?

Why now? In the middle of a pandemic, which made everything ten times harder and left me isolated?

It didn’t feel like He was meeting me when I needed Him most. 

Not only did I have to process what this revelation meant for me, but also a lot of anger towards my parents for not following up or seeking help for me then.

This information also opened other implications involving my relationship with Z’s birthfather and why things unfolded as they did during that relationship.

It literally felt like a bomb went off, and I was running around trying to catch all the broken jagged pieces, futilely attempting to patch things back together as quickly as possible. 

Health issues started popping up soon after. Naturally, I assumed it was due to stress.

However, things got progressively worse. I started losing weight, became winded easily, and had intense lower back pain that made it hard to stand up straight, coupled with severe pelvic pain.

In November, I had some scanning done and two fibroids were discovered. One small, and one the size of a lime in a very difficult spot.

Now that we knew what the discomfort was from, we could move forward with making a plan – and it entailed a lot of praying.

The Prayer Afterburners

There was a lot of crying out to God as life continued to unfold. It wasn’t like I could put everything else on hold until I had things figured out. It needed to be done while balancing all the other things.

Reading my journal, I see this scared girl who’s consistently questioning whether or not she’s heard God right. Wondering why she’s not hearing from Him. Begging Him to answer at least one or two of her requests.

The main one being, “God, please just heal me. I know you can. Release the full memories of what happened so I can finish processing and move on.”

Notes of hope and days with smiles were mingled with words of anger and confusion.

At times, I remember thinking perhaps I wasn’t using the right words, or maybe I needed to ask someone to pray over me, or there’s something else He’s waiting for me to do first.

I just kept praying – all sorts of variations of my one main prayer.

I really, truly felt that if I could just remember the details of what happened as a little girl, that so many issues in life would finally make sense and I’d know how to resolve them.

Fibroids? They’d disappear. The tension in my marriage? Solved. My body’s freeze response to physical touch? No longer a problem. My inability to emotionally connect with the kids on a deeper level? Gone. The weird physical sensations that randomly popped up? Also gone. Unpleasant dreams where I’m drifting in two worldly plains? Never again. Clear communication from God on what’s next? Heard.

What started out as genuinely seeking God for help, turned into a slippery slope over the next few years.

Prayer on Repeat

Life went on as it always does. We had a surprise pregnancy in 2021 and were blessed with a healthy baby girl. House projects moved forward as they were able. Jason’s side business progressively got busier. I had a hysterectomy in 2023 since the bigger fibroid wasn’t dissolving naturally. We continued to homeschool. 

Last year the biggest changes were that I stepped away from blogging, and Jason had a wrist/hand injury that set us back in multiple areas.

Throughout those years, that main prayer I had from 2020 remained the same, and I prayed about it weekly.

“Lord, Abba Father, please heal me! I still fully believe you alone possess the power to unlock the memories, to let my body fully release whatever it’s holding onto, to help me feel at complete rest and peace.”

There were still things I was struggling to process, things in life I didn’t know how to handle well, health ailments I couldn’t pinpoint, and relationships I couldn’t seem to fully invest in to name a few.

And for whatever reason, I kept holding onto this idea, that everything was tied to those childhood memories.

Maybe it’s because I’ve done enough of my own research and counseling to understand how the body can hold onto things. Perhaps it’s because I thought I was developing child-like faith, believing without a doubt. 

It could have been that I was too burnt out and emotionally drained to think outside the proverbial box.

Either way, days slipped by, I kept doing the best I knew how, and I continued to wrestle with God over why He was taking so long to answer my prayer.

Earlier this year, He provided a breakthrough. But it was the complete opposite of what I was expecting.

Prayer as an Idol

Something Jason’s accident revealed to me, was that I needed to work on letting go of control and letting God lead.

It’s been incredibly hard while at the same time incredibly freeing.

Along with all my other prayers, I was still including my restored memory prayer.

Until February 2026.

I think God needed me to let go of the reins with some small things first, so I would be ready to let go of my safety blanket prayer.

The same way I’ll never forget my mom’s words in that 2020 phone call, I don’t imagine I’ll forget God’s words anytime soon either.

He clearly said, “Peggy, I want you to stop praying about your memories.”

Sitting in a rocking chair, I paused from my Bible reading. That direction made absolutely no sense to me. Why would God ask me to stop praying about something? 

Aren’t we supposed to pray without ceasing? To pray with faith that could move a mountain?

As God quietly revealed what happened in my heart, silent tears streamed down my cheeks.

Over the years, I had allowed this prayer to become an idol.

It’s not that the prayer request itself or my continuation of it was bad.

It was that I became fixated on it. 

Over time, getting the answer to that prayer became more important than truly seeking and listening to God.

My insistence that other things couldn’t get better and/or fully heal unless my memory’s were restored, wasn’t healthy or God honoring.

I had inadvertently closed myself off to other things God was revealing to me, because it wasn’t a direct answer to that specific prayer.

You know who could reveal how to heal broken relationships? God.

Who could show me how to work past triggers to emotionally connect? Abba.

Who could help me become disciplined with my physical health? My Heavenly Father. 

And who would help me to let go and trust more? The Lord.

The answers to the list of other concerns and prayers became abundantly clear as soon as I took my eyes off receiving an answer to that one particular prayer request, and looked up to God instead.

The result? 

Strength and peace to let go of that part of my life, and encouragement to step into what He has waiting ahead for me.

Do I still think about it occasionally? Sure, but it doesn’t last long, and I try to quickly reset my mind to – In His timing, if it’s His will, and I’m ok with not now.

God has poured blessings over many areas of my life since then. 

All from letting go of a possible memory, and letting God lead me into His unwavering plan.

If you find yourself reading this while processing trauma, my heart goes out to you. It is never easy, takes time, and involves multiple layers.

If you’re not already, I’d encourage you to connect with a Chist-centered counselor if that’s an option. Seeking help is never something to be ashamed of. 

Perhaps you’re thinking your life will never return to normal unless lost memories are restored. I was in that boat. But the honest truth is, for some people that may never happen. However, we can’t allow that to dictate how we live the rest of our lives. It will never bring peace.

When you’re ready (actually, even if you’re not), reach out to God, with whatever you have to bring. He can handle it all – anger, hurt, depression, loneliness, anxiety, jealousy – whatever thoughts and feelings come to mind about your situation, and ask Him for help.

If you’re not sure where to begin, maybe try something like this:

Abba Father, I’m not sure why you allowed this to happen. This is how I feel right now _____. I know that’s not your desire for me, so please help me to look past what’s consuming me. Enable me to see You and Your Goodness. Give me the strength to let go of control. Please take this out of my hands, and help close my fists, so it stays locked in yours. Lord, I desperately need peace and a renewed spirit, help me to trust in You alone to provide that. Amen.

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